i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
