i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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