yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
