if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
