I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
