Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
