Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
