It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
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