Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
