I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
