Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
last night I used snow as a chaser
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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