I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
