So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
