jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
