If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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