he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I just want to make out with him forever
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
