I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
