Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
