I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
