Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
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