Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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