just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
