I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
i dont even know how to be here
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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