i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
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