Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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