mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
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