So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
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I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
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