i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
