Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs