This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.