I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
