I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
