think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize