dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
