Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
