I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
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It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
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You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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