.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
