i may or may not be watching the land before time
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
