just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
