i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
that is very illegal...i love you.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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