im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
