I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
