All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize