It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
