Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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