im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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