From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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