Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
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