i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
