I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
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I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
So vagazzling was a success
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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