we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
