I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
