I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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