Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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