Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
