Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
