Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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