I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
