i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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