No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
