Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
