i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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