i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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