I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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