haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Randomize
