She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Randomize
