I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I just blew my weed a kiss
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Randomize
