Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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