My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
The convent might be a nice break from real life
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
