So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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