your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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