I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Randomize
