I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
