Hey man sorry I got all grabby
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
