I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
im drinking this country out of the recession.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Vodka?
Forever.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
