I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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