Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
