Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
