Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
