Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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