Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
